academia cards

Someday, when I'm a really hip & trendy professor at a really liberal University where the hipster girls fawn over me & the hipster boys despise/love me because I'm infinitely more cool/postmodern than them, I want to have these calling cards that I can hand out to academic arch nemeses (is that the plural of nemesis)?



I want one with a turtle neck & illustrated facial hair. ( rifle paper co )